"beautiful things come from the dark. everything is birthed from here, yet we are a destined to go further and be something more. we are born with traits, just not developed. the innate yearn and ache to feel complete drives us towards something more. scars and wrinkles mark the turns and pauses on our journey. we tend to live for the moments where we feel almost outside of ourself. in the moment it doesn’t feel like escape, more so how our world is meant to be. it’s not until we feel buried inside again that we confuse these unnatural thrills as escapes. pretty soon we identify the “real world” as a natural letdown, as if we’re trapped here and if we could just get out and re-write, organize, identify with anything we don’t already know and just be something no one has (detach from humanity and it’s identity as a whole) we might finally have what we’re missing..because let’s face it, everything else has let us down already. as long as we feel “owed” anything and everything we want we will be unhappy…no one and nothing will ever live up to our expectations. have you forgotten the holistic moments you now live more and more for that can’t be measured in money or time, that are unexpected, that require more than you, and that are really out of your own control? so is the natural more than what you can predict, buy, control, taste, touch, and hold? if not, than why do all of these things not matter when we finally feel okay, complete, and satisfied in our soul? isn’t this natural? we can run our whole lives thinking if we can just get somewhere we’ll finally be happy. where are the runners who feel it’s all they’ve done but looking back realize they’ve truly gone no where and that they’ve done it all alone? i was a runner tired of running, lacking in being. i didn’t just want to feel sometimes, i wanted to do from my being, not my feelings. those were unsteady and unpredictable. i thought it was more important to get to the answer than to appreciate the path it takes to get there. i hurt people. watched good things continue on their way without even realizing it. my encouragement is this. don’t miss what your Heavenly Father whispers to you. allow yourself to feel again. don’t feel like the “looks in the mirror” are bad things. share your thoughts and pains. they may feel like a burden to you now but may very well be words of comfort to someone going through the same things. in return, comfort for you."
- joshua paul kay
here’s a lil snippet of the song i recorded and linked on my insta profile 👍.. what’s your favorite funny face i make? (i do it a lot)